Driving through Childhood Development
Explores a way to give ‘directions’ instead of dictation
Childhood memories and experience is an essential period of time when humans shaped their lives. Growing up from an environment where they developed their sense of self worth.
Asian families project a lot of hope and equally, burden to their children. Simply because they were either vulnerable, malleable, controllable and innocent. And many times, children are given clear instructions, such as, play the piano, get 100% in your next maths test, but not “directions” . The difficulty with that is that, although seemingly, there are a lot of ‘achievements’, there isn’t a lot of development of “the self” or “the mind”. Growing up purely with Instructions rids the child’s ability to think for themselves and thus becomes quite ‘lost’ as they grow up, when they no longer know what the instructions were.
“Directions” are on the other hand much harder to “control” and to give, actually. It requires time and effort. Building off from a lot of time, to allow self-exploration and failures to help and most importantly, a discipline of self reflection. Difficult as it may be, directions can give more clarity over the long term and help a child truly develop their sense of self.
This makes me question, how should we develop our own direction-finding ability? I thought of referencing the development of this skill set to “driving”, where directions are so important.
There are first of all “ the Signs”. Your first driving theory lesson starts with Signs. Signs give guidance as to where we’re heading. Is it off ? Is it the right track? If we assume everyone’s life is a journey or ride. We are the driver. Let’s assume everyone’s destination is different but exists. Did we notice the signs when we drive? Or have we been ignoring the wrong highway signs ?
Signs are to me, discomfort that chokes you slightly but not to death. There are bumpy roads and definitely smoother roads in life. But are they bumpy because our skills need brushing up or are they bumpy because it was the wrong road ? Usually time tells. If it’s the wrong road it definitely does not feel the same as simply a more challenging road. Notice and read the signs. Interpreting and reflecting as often, because you’re the driver .
Getting lost. There are many exits and yes we got off the wrong road. And got lost. Didn’t know where we were . However the key to finding the right way is often getting somewhat lost in the way but does not fear getting lost. You might need a reroute but that’s ok. Yes it feels rather uncomfortable but that’s actually an opportunity to learn a new route, think of it as ‘gaining’ rather than losing. Allow yourself to loosen up a bit and think of it as an exploration. Let yourself discover and experience how outrageous and weird something might seem. So as to rediscover your direction. Getting lost often adds a little colour to the story of your journey, makes it more interesting. If you’re finding yourself enjoying the route, maybe then you’re not lost, it’s just not the route you imagined yourself to ride. If you struggled badly, let it go and discover the signs and walk one step towards what seems like the better option at that particular moment. We need to get lost a few times to know the right direction, there is nothing to fear and no one to blame.
Pay attention to the turns and u-turns. It’s always going to be surprising maybe at a speed that is much faster than you thought. But that’s what trains your steering and gearing skills. Exercise speed control with your journey, perhaps you need it a little faster at times and a bit slower, it is ok that you’re not always full speed ahead.
Your car is your asset and resource. This can be a burden or a tool depending on how you see it and at what stage in life. A Ferrari might not be suitable for the hills but a motorcycle might . Depending on the road you go towards you might need to change your car. Give it up or sell it. Even when it seems painful and the only thing you own that defines you on the road. But when the situation calls for change, that is what you need to survive.
Sometimes the journey ahead is rough or you have been on a bumpy route. Think about this as parking and refuelling. Resting and recharging is so important for you to continue the journey. The difficulty is finding the right space and time to rest. But giving those empty slots are important for self reflection and recharging.
Many people may comment on where your destination should be and which road you should take. But they are not the ones who drive the car or experience the journey. They especially Asian parents only gave Instructions but up to a certain point where they also stopped giving instructions because they have no clue where you should be heading. Relying on those instructions are very confusing as you haven’t developed the ability to read signs. But it’s never too late. Perhaps it’s a longer journey but it’s better if you’re in the driver seat than someone else.
Expectations are pretty much the same as instructions. They are unnecessary and a source of burden. Rather than being “given” expectations, it’s better to set them yourselves. Tell them where you want to go instead.
It is essential to develop the core muscles of finding directions. Because even with the fastest car and without the right directions, you’d still get lost and ironically burdened with taking care of that car too.
Developing the confidence of driving comes with experience and practice. Some people need to train their skills and some need to train their sign reading, some people need to take charge and block out instructions, some people need to recharge. Everyone is on a different journey but everyone is on one. We learn and develop on our own best driving skills and our very own route to our very own destination. In this regard, there should be no comparisons or racetracks at all.
Truth be told. Those early years don’t come back and unfortunate environments shaped early mindsets. We respond too early without diving deep into ourselves and recognise the core muscles that we need to train. It is painstaking to change from learning through instructions and develop your own directions. Painful as it may be, one should still work on it and to let go of the past shadows, in order to find the most suitable path for ourselves. Never forget that “you”, and only you is the driver of your destiny. Only you can Own it.
